I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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