Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
