So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
