weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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