Say something about gay babies.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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