I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize