ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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