I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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