can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I am spending my child support on dildos
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
