when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
