He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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