Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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