Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im six kinds of drunk right now
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
