The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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