What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
