we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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