Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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