I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize