best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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