I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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