Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
