I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize