During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
