She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
