So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize