You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
