I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Randomize
