Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize