I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
