I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
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