Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I've blown a few things in my day
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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