3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
