You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
