I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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