You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
