So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
