i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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