Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
