Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
