Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Randomize
