You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
