need another drink. this is the easiest way
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
