yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
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