Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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