Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
