He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Holy sore nipples Batman
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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