i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
