Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
