I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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