Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
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