he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
