Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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