Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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