Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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