so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
