Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
