Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
