fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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