Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
