Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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