I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
