Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
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