i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
