I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize