I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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