i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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