When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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