I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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