u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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