uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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