i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
