I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
