You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
