How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
