i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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