Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
organizing the empties. That sober.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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