guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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